Immediately after a break up, the strong desire is usually there to get back with your ex. This is particularly so if you were the one who was dumped.
It is not uncommon to feel depressed in many cases. There are some things you can do at this stage, to try to get your ex back. Some things help, but some things will drive your ex away more.
Sometimes the advice you get is to follow your heart. To do what your feelings guide you. Now, I am certainly not here to try to tell you what to do. Make your mind up, and then take responsibility for your future actions.
However, my advice, which you can take or leave, is to consider doing exactly the opposite of what your instincts tell you to do for a period of time. Listen, before discounting what I’m saying.
Perhaps you feel like calling your ex to talk things through. Perhaps you feel, because you are depressed, that you should stay inside all day and stay away from people because you are not good company and you don’t want to bother your friends. I say NO to both of these.
Instead, consider the following:
You need to accept that the break up is really happening. Accept that this is really happening, you are beyond that point, and this is real. Ultimately you might be able to get back with your ex, but for now you need to simply accept that you are in the middle of a break up.
Whether or not you reconcile, you need to go through the process of accepting that things have come to this point. You also need to allow your ex to go through the same process. If both of you go through this process, and realize that there is something worth saving, then you will both be in the right frame of mind to attempt reconciliation. I cannot stress enough that there is great benefit to going through that mental process, and doing it while separated from your ex. It is a time to consider options. Accept the reality of the current circumstances. Only at that point should you ponder the next moves.
A time of no communication is beneficial. Let us face facts. You broke up as a result of past communications. The future will have to be different if you want to achieve your goal to get back with your ex. Stay away and don’t communicate – at least for a cooling-off period.
Get out with your friends. Do not be afraid to let them know you are depressed and need their support, but be open to relaxing and having fun. Nobody likes people who are down all the time. But everybody understands that their friends go through times when they need support. I believe we all have many acquaintances, and some of those are good friends. This is the time to find out who your real friends are. You will find that some are “fair weather” friends, who are only there for you when times are good and you are fun to be around. But you will also find out who your true friends are. These are the ones who are there to support you in bad times as well as good times. Value this information, because it is a two way process. These people should be here for you and support you. It takes a disaster, or a terrible event, to find out who your true friends are. But it is invaluable to know. Enjoy their real friendship, and depend on them now. Remember who the superficial friend are too.
So you see that you can put the terrible time immediately after a break up to good use. Spend the time to accept the current situation, discover your real friends, and refresh your mind. Then you can work from a solid base to get your relationship back.
The author operates a Get Your Ex Back resource website.
