Ask These Girls

Everyone knows the pain of not being in a relationship.  We feel like something is missing.  We feel the need for a mate.  Sure, we’re okay on our own, but we are hardwired for a significant other.  Sometimes the pain of not having someone is palpable, it physically and emotionally just hurts.  Other times it is milder, just a background feeling of loss.  You can get How To Have The Marriage You Want here.

So when we find a partner we feel great.  The pain goes away.  We feel complete, we feel loved and loving, it’s all great.  We are in the honeymoon phase of our relationship, where everything is marvelous.  The pain we felt of being alone has disappeared.

But the honeymoon phase can’t last.  After a few months we move into the second phase of relationship, the me/us phase.  This period is about being in a relationship but also being separate, following our own goals and interests.  We want to be with our mate still, but not ALL the time.   And here some pain begins to return.

In this phase, we usually still feel love for our partner, but we start to notice issues.  Perhaps they start to seem too needy or clingy.  Or conversely they may seem too distant or like they need too much space.  Find out more True Love Help here.

Here’s something nobody ever told us.  Sure, there’s pain in not having a partner, but there is also pain in being in a relationship.  And none of us can escape it, there is some pain in just being in a relationship!

Because the honeymoon phase was so delightful, we all seem to think our whole relationship should feel that way.  But it won’t.  Not for you, not for anyone else.  Relationships are just one part of adulthood, there are other things we must handle in life to be happy.  A relationship was never intended to be the only source of our love and happiness in life.

So understand this insight:  there will be pain in your relationship.  It might be light pain, like wondering if your mate truly loves you anymore, or it may be sharp pain, like fighting and arguing.  It might be a low ache, like feeling lonely inside your relationship, or a harsh slap, like feeling rejected by your partner.

To start with, understand that pain comes with any intimate relationship.  If you are feeling the pain of loneliness or the pang of worrying about your choice in mate, it’s all right.  No need to run.  No need to go have an affair or end your relationship.  Because another relationship will have pain too. 

And another thing to understand is that you can let the pains that arise in your relationship lead you to greater understanding.  You can stay in the relationship and usually work through the painful experiences.  And you can both continue to mature and grow inside the pains and joys of having a partnership.  You can get more How To Get Marriage Guidance Help here.