We tend to get into a relationship and think that once we’ve found intimacy and true love it should stay that way. After all, it was hard enough to find real intimacy with another person. Once we’ve found it, we should get to keep it, right?
You can get more Relationship Help here, but what we all discover is that love and intimacy are not set emotions. They change, flux and flow.
Eventually we all seem to learn that staying in love is more difficult than falling in love. Which leaves us with the question, how do we stay in love with each other?
This is a complex topic worthy of the tons of books written about it, but there are some good guidelines to follow. You’ve already made a good step if you have realized that love is not like some medal you get pinned on your chest that you get to keep. Love is dynamic and will change.
Given that love is not like an award you get to keep forever on the wall of your bedroom, you can also appreciate this: relationships actually are an inquiry into intimacy and loving. You get to keep learning about them and how you need to be to keep them present in your experience.
The honeymoon phase of your relationship will wear off. This is an opportunity to run away looking for another person who will make you eternally happy or to stay and grow in your ability to learn to love. When the infatuation goes away, can you stay and learn to truly love? Here’s how to get Get Relationship Advice that makes a difference.
What you can begin to learn is that love has a lot to do with acceptance of your mate and their quirks and personality. There will be things we like and things we don’t like as much. The luster we felt for each other will wear off some. The fantasy ideal we had for how great it was going to be in the honeymoon phase must give way to reality.
Learning how to love means not expecting our mate to keep us happy all the time. That is an expectation no one can fulfill. You mate cannot fill your inner emptiness. You have to keep taking your own journey. And learning to stay in relationship when the infatuation wears off and a little conflict and disappointment show up is another way to learn something useful about love. There’s more to it, but this is a start. You can get more How To Get Relationship Advice here.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
These are all really good points!
As a relationship expert (www.ChoiceRelationships.com), I would like to add that couples need to know that conflicts are bound to happen. But here’s the good news: there are skills they can learn so that they can handle them better. When they do, their partnerships fare much better. I offer a free teleseminar, “The 7 Tools to Manage Conflict Communication in Your Relationship.” To hear it, go to: http://choicerelationships.com/teleseminar_resources.