Ask These Girls

Everyone wants true love.  Songs are written about it.  Movies are made about it.  The idea seems to be that there is a true love out there and until we find it we can’t live happily ever after.  You can get Relationship Problem Help about this here.

And, when we find it, it’s great.  We feel totally loved and in love.  We are in bliss at times.  We love everything about them.  But, unfortunately, only for a while. 

After about six months or so we find that the feeling of true love begins to fade some.  We start to have little arguments and conflicts.  We notice we want a little space or we get hurt that our mate wants some space.  What happened to true love. Is it lost?

Not necessarily.  Research on love has found that relationships happen in stages.  The first stage is called the “oceanic love” phase of a relationship.  This is the time in the beginning where everything about them is great and we feel powerfully bonded and loved.  It is the stuff movies are made of!

But then, the research finds, we all move out of that phase into the “me/us” phase.  In this phase, we differentiate, we separate some, we get back to working on our own goals and interests, we don’t want to spend ALL our time with our mate.  We start having some conflicts with our partner in this phase.  This is normal and healthy and natural.  You can get Loving Relationship Advice about this here.

If we didn’t move apart some, we wouldn’t be able to function well in the world.  We’d be a merged mess with our partner, trying to get all our happiness from each other, which doesn’t work long term.  We each have to move on with our lives separately and as a couple, we have to take our journeys.

So if you want to keep true love in your life, understand this:  Don’t give up on love because you move out of the oceanic love phase.  Love is bigger than that.  Physical attraction is just one part that will rise and fall.  True love means learning to love the whole person, the parts you think are good and the parts you don’t like so much.

And understand that conflict will occur even with true love.  Two healthy adults will pull in separate directions from time to time.  True love includes conflict and working things out when they get a little uncomfortable, not running away.  You don’t get to keep true love until you learn it is bigger than just the fun times.  You can get more Get Love Help here here.